What are the beliefs of the people
11 irrational beliefs that make you stressed
Last updated March 27, 2020
Can you imagine that your thoughts are responsible for your feelings? Do you think it is possible that you are causing yourself a lot of stress with your irrational beliefs? You probably know the old saying "Everyone is the blacksmith of their own fortune" ... sounds trite, but that's how it is. The ancient philosopher Epictetus said "It is not things that shake people, but their view of things."
If you're wondering what this has to do with your stress, look at these 11 irrational beliefs that make people stressful. How many do you think applies to you?
WARNING: It could be that you feel provoked by one or the other statement. That is a good thing, because this is exactly where it is worth taking a closer look.
Unfortunately, it is actually the case that we do not even notice how much we contribute to our own stress, because we carry countless thought patterns around with us that make us stress. Perhaps you already know a few of your thought patterns or beliefs, but perhaps you have never heard or looked at them before (there is an extra exercise on beliefs in this article).
We humans are shaped in our early childhood days by our parents and the people around us and we experience demands that were brought to us. In order to avoid conflicts, we have made these demands our own business and developed behavioral strategies - the “inner drivers” (I have already written about them in more detail here).
We have learned what others want from us and if we want to avoid conflicts, we voluntarily and unconditionally subordinate our own demands. Later it becomes more and more difficult to differentiate and consciously decide whether we still want to behave today as it was best in certain situations in childhood. Many of these influences, which led to the emergence of the “inner drivers”, are in part also the causes of stress.
"I want to be loved by everyone"
Is that rationally possible? Do you really want to be loved by everyone? You can never please everyone - you fall by the wayside! You probably know the saying "Everybody’s Darling is everybody’s idiot!" ... do you really want that?
Seriously: Even the people you like very much and who also like you very much do not find certain actions or behaviors that you show good. And that's fine.
"I want to be competent and successful under all circumstances"
... so that you can judge yourself as appropriate.
If you believe that you always have to be perfect, failure will lead you to belittle yourself, abuse yourself, and trample on your self-respect. You subconsciously transfer this to your partner, family members and friends. With this conviction you often feel paralyzed and fearful of tackling something new.
"Certain people are bad, malicious, stupid ... they have to be severely judged and punished for being" bad ""
Realistically assessed, people behave inappropriately or antisocially. They may be stupid, illiterate, or neurotic and it would be good if they could change their behavior. Exactly that, but you cannot influence - you cannot change other people, you can only change yourself. For example, your view of "such" people.
"It's a disaster when things don't go the way I would like"
Behavioral therapist Albert Ellis calls it “spoiled child” syndrome. You react to every inconvenience, every problem, every failure with utterances that make you "terrible" - e. B. "That mustn't be true" / "Can't you even pay attention" / "What is that supposed to mean?" / "I knew it right away" ...
The result: You cause yourself - and possibly others - a lot of trouble and stress! In such situations, check out rationally whether it was worth it. Stand “next to” you or look at the situation from the perspective of a bird (i.e. from above) - what do you really see - without evaluating the situation?
"This or that could happen - it scares me and I am lurking in danger"
If you tend to imagine hundreds of "catastrophe scenarios" because of a certain thing, then just the very idea triggers immense stress in you. All “if” and “but” and “could” and “should” and “what happens if ...” are scenarios that arise in your thoughts, occupy you for hours or days, but will probably never come true. What happens instead? Fear and anxiety grow in you and it becomes more and more difficult to master unsafe situations and the stress increases steadily. The result: a lot of stress, but you do not get into action, everything stays as it is, the frustration grows and the stress remains.
My personal coach recently said to me "Don't always believe what you're thinking!" - how right he is ;-)
"The one who or that is to blame that I feel bad!"
Whenever the other or the circumstances are to blame for your unhappiness, you have few or no more opportunities to influence your worries or your unhappiness yourself. The logical consequence of this: you have to be able to control external events and circumstances in order to avoid grief. Realize that this is almost impossible. If you try to do just that all your life, you will feel helpless and fear constant. It is better if you control your own thoughts and feelings.
"I take things as they are - I can't change anything anyway!"
Can't you really do that? Are you really sure that you have exhausted all - really all - possibilities? Behind this is the idea that it is easier to suffer difficulties in life, certain situations for which you are responsible, instead of confronting yourself with the situation. Instead, you are only looking at the current advantages of your behavior and the many disadvantages and problems that your behavior brings with them that you are overlooking.
"I need him or her because he or she is stronger than me and I can always rely on him or her!"
With such a belief you become dependent - where is your uniqueness and your independence? It is impossible to be yourself at the same time and to be completely dependent on another person (or several) at the same time!
"Because of my difficult past, things are the way they are today" or "Because of my difficult past, I feel so bad today"
If you always believe that your current situation depends on your past ("just because ...") and that this always has an impact on today, you never give yourself the chance to look at today in a completely new way. Solutions lie in the present, not the humble past. You can learn from previous experiences, but do not make yourself a slave to your past!
"I'm very worried about ... - he / she has so many problems"
Do you constantly worry about the worries and problems of others? The problems of others often have little to nothing to do with yourself. You have no power over others ... often this worry is just a distraction from yourself.
"There is only one right, perfect and precise solution to my problems!"
And if you don't find it, it's a disaster. It makes more sense if you accept reality and don't keep telling yourself that you have to control yourself completely, that you always have to have the optimal solution ready and that you always have to be in control of the situation.
John Lennon is reported to have said, “Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
Hand on heart: how often have you recognized yourself? How many of these irrational beliefs do you have in you?
First, let's take a look at what thoughts (or beliefs) are of RATIONAL nature?
How do you recognize rational thoughts?
- Rational thoughts are true.
That is, they are based on facts - that is, on known facts. If you now claim about a certain situation “I know that it is so!”, Then please check for yourself: How do you know that? Did you ask the person in question or did you check the situation for facts? Or is your belief based on your thoughts? Please be honest with yourself.
- Rational thoughts help you achieve what you want to achieve.
Question your worries and fears very carefully (rationally) and check which are useful and which are a hindrance.
- Rational thoughts help you avoid or prevent feelings that you do not want to have.
This takes some practice - this is about our own beliefs, memories and experiences that we are actually hardly rationally aware of. Only when you track them down can you actively work on and with them.
- Rational thoughts help you to avoid or prevent conflicts with your surroundings that you do not want.
If you know yourself better, you will also be able to communicate differently. What we mean and what we say is usually not what the other person thinks about as we think we say ... sounds complicated? It is ;-) The way you communicate is strongly related to your personality. The participants in my seminars regularly experience aha moments in themselves and recognize how they are often perceived by others and why conflicts arise.
Thinking rationally means seeing things in life in such a way that you get more of what you want and less of what you don't like.
And here is my practical tip!
So that you can check your own thoughts for irrationality or rationality, here are some helpful questions to ask yourself:
- Is there any proof of your rating?
- Why do you have to? You could also act differently.
- Will something change just because you ask it?
- How will you feel (or act) as long as you believe that?
- Your review helps you to behave the way you would like it to
- What is the worst that could happen?
- Does your fear of making fewer mistakes help you?
- Is it really impossible for you to endure something "terrible"? Would you be able to do it if you got € 100,000 for it? Then why couldn't you to achieve your goals?
- Imagine a friend had your problem. What would you advise him to do?
I wish you,
- a clear head
- a good gut feeling
- and that you go your way of personal development step by step, at your own pace.
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