We all feel hatred at times
Bitter - this is how you become positive again
2. Is that really true?
The mental cinema is mean sometimes. We got used to using it for negative scenarios. If possible, do not get into a negative world of thoughts, but use the approach of the American Katie Byron: Always check your thoughts with the question "Is this really true"? So is it really true that none of your colleagues likes you, that the boss only encourages others or that your friends are never considerate of you? "The Work" is Byron's book, which describes this technique in more detail.
3. The personal cost-benefit calculation
Make a list and try to work it off as soberly as possible. Right column: My advantages if I keep the bitterness, left column: My advantages if I overcome the bitterness. Try to consider the following aspects: personal development, physical and mental health, family, friendships, partnership, job.
4. Change perspective
Yes, the offense hurts. And is unjust. But what were the other's motivations? Did he act out of a personal weakness? If we try to simply analyze the other person's situation in a completely neutral way, a change of perspective can help us to take the injury less personally.
5. The what-if game
Try to deal with what would have happened if the worst experience that made you so bitter hadn't happened to you. Of course, there are traumatic experiences that change our lives so much that nothing feels like it did before. In any case, they should be accompanied therapeutically. Imagine how you would live if the bitterness let go of you again. What would you do then How would you feel? And then think about it: What is holding you back from leading this very life?
6. Fight for you!
You have the right to be happy. And you are also - to a large extent - responsible for it. So deal with what you can actually do for yourself in your situation. Address grievances, think about how you can convince others of yourself. What have you always wanted to do? How do you get there? Start planning what could make your life better.
7. Set yourself positive impulses
- Avoid what pulls you down and incorporate positive things into your life.
- Reach for encouraging literature (if you love novels, you can read "The Ten Minute Project" by Chiara Gamberale, for example. Her therapist advises the protagonist to try something new for ten minutes a day for a month that she has never done before has. Very inspiring).
- Collect inspirational quotes (we've collected a lot for you on our Pinterest wall).
- Subscribe to positive news (tip: motivational author Lars Amend sends out a very clever "Magic Monday newsletter" every Monday that makes you think).
- Get mental spirit in your social media feed (self-discovery coach Laura Malina Seiler shares nice thoughts and ideas on her Instagram feed).
8. Take care of yourself lovingly
Take care not only of your mind but also of your body. What is your diet like? How is your daily routine? Your beauty routine? Your apartment? Everything should be aligned and designed in such a way that it is good for you. Sustainable living concepts from others can inspire you (book tips: "Simply live plastic-free: Step by step to a sustainable everyday life" by Charlotte Schüler, Südwest Verlag, 18 euros; "Simply live family: The minimalism guide: living, clothing, lifestyle, Mindfulness. Living with children in a minimalist and sustainable way "by Susanne Mierau and Milena Glimbovski, Knesebeck Verlag, 25 euros).
9. Overcome bitterness with the power of nature
In Japan, doctors send their patients to Shinrin-yoku: Forest bathing is said to help against stress, burnout and cardiovascular diseases. Nature is good for our souls, as numerous studies have shown. A weekend by the sea can relax us, but it is better to integrate nature experiences into our everyday life. Regularity produces effects. Check the daily routine, how we can get more fresh air.
10. Comparisons pull us down
How do the others always do it? Why do they manage what we can't? From the outside everything always looks so simple. But comparing makes you unhappy, because there is always someone who is better in a single discipline of life. Try to be inspired by other life ideas - but nothing more. You should also treat yourself lovingly and tolerantly: you can learn to be patient with our tips.
11. Get out of isolation
When we are bitter, we often blame those who are closest to us. After all, they fail to "save" us. Resentment makes us lonely, bitterness increases. If we overcome our anger and disappointment and approach others, we can overcome isolation. Sometimes it helps to just let certain topics rest for an evening. This can be a break for relaxation - especially if you are already completely exhausted from circling your thoughts. If we listen to others, we can see that we are not alone even with difficulties.
12. Celebrate your strengths
What do you like about yourself Make a list of your preferences and ask others for positive feedback. What are you proud of in your life? Celebrate yourself, you deserve it. Any criticism or objection is prohibited. You shouldn't be your strongest critic, but your biggest supporter!
13. Distraction helps
What topic have you always been interested in? Make yourself an expert. Anyone who deals intensively with something feels satisfaction. Learning, reading, watching reports, listening to podcasts (for example that of our EMOTION founder Kasia: "Kasia meets") - take you on new paths.
Sport increases the psycho-physical resilience because stress hormones are neutralized by the release of serotonin and endorphins. Overall, the body's vegetative reactions - the increase in heart rate or blood pressure - are less violent when we are confronted with stress. Movement can therefore also have a preventive effect. Everyone can try out whether yoga, quigong, swimming, cycling, tennis or running are best for us.
Difference between bitterness and post-traumatic bitterness disorder:
The bitterness means first of all the reaction to offensive events. The post-traumatic bitterness disorder is a special form of a bitterness reaction and is usually associated with various psychological and physical side effects. People are limited in their daily activities and tasks, and symptoms have persisted for more than six months. It should be accompanied by behavior therapy.
Book tip on the subject of bitterness and post-traumatic bitterness disorder:
"Let go !: Enough - ways out of bitterness" Verlag ecowin, 24 euros. Michael Linden, professor of psychosomatic medicine at the Charité in Berlin, and mental coach Sigrid Engelbrecht, name the main triggers for bitterness: injustice, degradation, breach of trust. In their book they show ways to deal with it.
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