What is stopping you from being selfish?

Call To Selfishness - Why You Should Take Care Of Yourself First

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Selfishness is frowned upon. Who likes to say: “I am most important to myself. Only then do other people come. ”? Maybe but everyone would be helped if each of us acted more selfishly. More egoism can help to pull the rip cord before you exhaust yourself completely and slide into burnout. Who gave me this thought and what's behind it, that's what today's post is about.

Findings from psychotherapy

If you're interested in this topic, you might be in a similar position to what I was a year ago. I had to take time off because of a burnout and found myself in a comfortable armchair of my psychotherapist (red couches are a cliché!). As at the beginning of every therapy, we first went through my biography and finally came to the crucial last few months before the break. I told them about my work situation at the time and the stresses I was exposed to.

My first learning in session 1 was: I should stand by how I feel. I should express my feelings and needs. So I talked about how bad I was feeling. Because of my colleagues whom I let down. Because of my friends and family, for whom I was just a bunch of overburdened misery. Because of my relationship, which I could hardly care for. Because of the household, which I neglected because I lacked the strength. Because of the people I didn't call back, because I'd rather curled up.

I felt bad because I wasn't who I wanted to be. I wasn't the jasmine I used to be.

What my therapist then advised me was unfamiliar. She said: "You have to take care of yourself first." By that she meant I shouldn't grumble. Rather, I should accept my main task, namely regaining my strength, and put it first. In addition, I should get enough sleep, do relaxation exercises, strengthen my self-awareness, read, revive old hobbies and social contacts and learn to say no.

Body and mind outlast colleagues

“Your colleagues will change throughout your life, but you will keep your body and mind for a lifetime. They have to get by with that. " This thought was new to me at the time. After all, I always tried to be there for others, to fulfill obligations, to live up to all.

Isn't that terribly selfish?

But instead I should Ditch the household chores, curb my perfectionism, don't worry about my colleagues and put myself first.

When discussing this idea with friends, I got mixed feedback. The thought appeared to some plausible, but also difficult to implement. Others thought that egoism was not a desirable quality after all. That it contradicts common upbringing.

This conflict popped up in my head too. My therapist then said: "You are of no help to others in your current condition." That was an uncomfortable truth, but it helped me understand why I had to get used to the idea of ​​selfishness as quickly as possible. Anything else would not help me or anyone else.

"We have to be good for ourselves so that we are good for others"I kept learning. That also made sense to me. After all, in the previous months I had nothing better to do than talk for hours about my problems. I wasn't there for others. That was the truth.

Egoism is therefore a matter of opinion: To cry your friends every day and not let anyone get close is also selfish. Even if it doesn't feel like it.

Moods rub off

The mood of our fellow human beings rubs off on us and vice versa. It's no secret that laughter is contagious. Those who surround themselves with positive people are in a better mood themselves. Depressed people consciously or unconsciously drag others down with them.

That is not to say that we should shut ourselves up when we are not in top mood. Isolation is the wrong reflex to a bad phase. However, we should be aware that we are not of great help to anyone with our problems. Only when we resolve our conflicts and address our worries can we be of support to others again.

We need to clean up ourselves first before turning to others. It is Not more important to take care of others than to take care of yourself.That may sound harsh, but it's a necessity. Anyone who has children or looks after someone has to take care of themselves. Therapists and social workers also need to be on Soul hygiene respect, think highly of.

If you can make friends with this thought, I suggest the following:

  1. Consciously take time for yourself: Going for a walk, lying on the couch or lying on the bed, can help clear your mind. Unfortunately, I do this myself too rarely. Everything else seems more and more important. But experience has shown that in the past I always felt particularly good when I saw this To listen into-me made possible. I was particularly good at this while jogging.
  2. Create rituals for yourself: An appointment with yourself shouldn't be a one-off time window between the door and the hinge. At least one would be better weekly appointment that you also enter in the calendar. I can calm down well with yoga and maintain contact with myself. The weekly appointment during a beginners course helped me not to put it off again and again. Now that this is over, it is harder for me to make a habit of the appointment with myself.
  3. Address the problems that cost the most energy: This topic is certainly worthy of several articles alone. I have found for myself that I can only sleep better and regain my strength when I tackle the deeper problems. Everything else is a waste of time and energy. If a job makes you deadly unhappy, I just have to quit. If a relationship is long-term stressful, you have to put an end to it. It doesn't always have to be such radical decisions, but it's about his Acknowledge and address problems as these. This is the only way to proceed.
  4. Communicate: This does not mean hours of lectures about situation XY at work. They have to be there too, but it's about communicating needs. When you're at the stop tell your friends and family. They are probably wondering why you call in so seldom anyway. I used to have inner struggles instead of reporting that I have no strength at the moment and that I need a while to sort myself out.

In practice

I think I still don't act particularly selfishly. I still find it difficultto make my needs the highest priority. Nevertheless, I have learned not to let my perfectionism always drive me. I can say: “No, I'll leave the laundry now. I have to relax. That is more important for me and others than when I am finished later. "

For me, selfishness also means that I am not part of every event. I sometimes disengagewhen I'm exhausted or when other things are more important to me at the moment.

Egoism is a flexible term. This is not a call to stop looking left and right. You should not refuse to help others from now on. But I would like to show you as a possibility - absolution grant - that you can put yourself first. It is legitimate to stand back for a while and take care of yourself. You can be selfish in the short term in order to give more in the long run.

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