Too trustworthy is a character flaw
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Inventory service - what for? For what? For whom?
Or: How do I explain it to my sponsorship? The AA forest and meadow theme. Nice, because the editors will pass over because of the sheer number of contributions. That's why I'm doing it very, very briefly this time. I just want to share one thought that sometimes affects me and often leaves me very perplexed. How do I explain it to my sponsorship? Why the service? In the good Viennese way: “No, so that the AA factory runs.” (So that the AA continues to exist.) What the service for? Well, for bringing the AA message to those who are still suffering. And for whom?
Now it's getting interesting. Definitely for whoever does the service. I have learned a lot for life in every service. And then the service is above all for those who are still suffering. That is the purpose of the AA. I was and am always rooted in working with newbies, with prisons and with sponsorship. I live the practice and the reality of the service every day. I can then explain to my sponsors what it is all about with key or literature warden, chairman or regional spokesman. I also get across things like intergroups and what my friends are doing there. When I explain the GDK, it sometimes becomes very abstract. But that this is all for us and for bringing the message to those who are still suffering, sometimes just makes sense. But sometimes I get out of my mind myself because it just becomes too abstract for me. With some inquiries, for me as a "normal" alcoholic I can no longer understand what that has to do with the still suffering alcoholic. I may z. B. Serve in my area of public relations and often have the opportunity to talk to sponsies to get across what I'm doing and why it is necessary to get the AA message across. At the DLT, I was at the ÖA meeting and learned that one of the tasks of the ÖA spokesman for the German AA is to report to the GDA about what is being done in terms of public relations in the intergroups. That is good and important. But at the same time I became so aware of the great responsibility and also the great danger that this level of service entails. Yes, yes, I know that service is for those who still suffer and those who serve. I can imagine that if I don't always serve a lot on the grassroots at the same time, the whole effort can occasionally lose all reference to the person who is still suffering - and that's actually our main purpose. Sometimes the whole thing can seem one-sided and give the impression that the service is only for those who serve. In some cases, I stand there a bit at a loss, and ask myself when there are some inquiries or decisions: "How do I explain it to my sponsorship?"
Have a precious time
Christian, alcoholic, Austria
The group inventory
(Excerpts from two articles that appeared in AA-Grapevine) How does a group take inventory?The group inventory is similar to the individual inventory. The strengths and weaknesses of the group should be examined together in a closed meeting. This clarifies the question of how the group will act in its areas of responsibility and whether it is fulfilling its responsibility. What is the main purpose of the group? Keep the group members dry? Welcome new members? Provide a social facility? The Fifth Tradition says, “The primary role of any group is to get our AA message to alcoholics who are still suffering.” Is that surprising? What is the group doing to bring the AA message to alcoholics still suffering? Does the group fully retreat to the Eleventh Tradition? (Our relationships with the public are based more on attraction than advertising. Therefore, we should always maintain our personal anonymity with the press, radio, film and television.) Certainly the group welcomes new friends; is that what is meant by “getting this message across to alcoholics”? Or isn't that more likely to reap what others have sown? Does the new friend literally have to "kick in the door" to get to the embassy? Will he be ignored when he sneaks into the meeting? Could the average membership be higher? If so, why is it not higher? Has the group done anything lately to promote the AA message locally (doctors, judges, teachers, newspapers, other important people who can help reach those who urgently need AA)? Does the composition of the group resemble an appropriate cross-section of society? Or just the "lower" social classes? Or just "higher" social classes who coldly welcome other types of alcoholics? Is the proportion male: female appropriate? Do you mainly come from men? Do women mainly come? Do the group members stay in the group or is there constant fluctuation? Are there many “newcomers” coming who will soon be out again? If so, is that due to certain “methods” of the group? How effective is the system used in the group in connection with sponsorship? Is there a sense of responsibility in the group when it comes to sponsorship? What does the group do with a new friend who does not yet have a sponsor? What does the group do with new friends who come for a while and then stay away? How often do you "make calls"? Two times, ten times? Or does the group say: “He knows where AA is, if he wants he can come and have AA? Has everything been done to offer an attractive meeting room? Where new friends feel good and where "old" group members like to come back? Or is the group satisfied with a run-down quarter? Is a reasonable rent paid? Or is the group indirectly financially supported by a church or other social institution? Has the group ever thought about how much money they could raise in one evening if all members, as in earlier drinking times, would spend the money on schnapps and other alcoholic beverages? Have all group members been told the importance of "serving" washing dishes and other "household issues"? Is it clear how this ministry is to be done? Or is this important service left to the initiative and imagination of the individual, although they have little of either? What methods does the group use to make members feel they belong? Do everyone in the meeting have the chance to speak? Is the nomination for the service of the group made with great care and consideration that “serving” at AA offers great responsibility and opportunity to work in Step Twelve? Or is the whole thing viewed more as a chore or a kind of joke, so that someone elected to the work meeting who is clear from the outset that he (or she) will not even be present then? Is someone elected because the group believes "it could do them good" and overlooks the fact that our common welfare is paramount? Are there any considerations to form a “nomination committee” whose job it is to select “eligible” group (or regional) members and assess their stability, interest in the group (region), suitability, time available and other relevant factors? The nomination committee could then present a list of candidates to the work meeting. Although other names will be considered at the work meeting, the group (region) is more likely to support its nomination committee. This method leads to the avoidance of “random nominations” by the least suitable group (region) members, by confused and badly advised friends. Is there fair support from the group for the main committee and the Vienna region and the intergroup? These organizations are doing Step Twelfth “Higher Level” work. My and your sobriety could ultimately depend on the acceptance of Alcoholics Anonymous in all of Austria! Does the group think in these larger contexts or does it think more on a selfish level? If the group thinks in larger contexts, is it really doing something for the aforementioned "service levels"? What exactly has the group done in the past six months to get the AA message across to alcoholics who are still suffering? Does the group offer sufficient literature and is it presented accordingly (place, entrance, exit, in a personal conversation with the newcomer)? (Unity, group conscience, money, anonymity could still be topics) Our group is valuable, let's take care of it!
CHECKLIST FOR UNDERSTANDING THE TWELVE TRADITIONS
These questions were first published in Grapevine, in conjunction with a series on the Twelve Traditions that began in November 1969 and continued through September 1971. They were originally intended primarily for personal use, but were later used as theses for discussion by many AA groups.
Our common welfare should come first; individual recovery rests on unity in AA.
1. Do I exert a healing, connecting and tolerant influence in my group or do I cause strife?
2. Do I make peace? Or do I throw myself into disputes under the hypocritical pretext that I am only doing this “for the sake of the discussion”?
3. Am I friendly to those who cross my mind or am I angry?
4. Do I convey competitiveness, e.g. do I compare one group with another or do I contrast the community in one city with the community in another city?
5. Am I resigning from a serving position because I feel too good to be active in the relevant area of AA?
6. Do I know the community as a whole? Do I support the community as a whole with all my might, or just those areas that I know and advocate?
7. Do I show the same consideration for other AA members that I expect them to do?
8. Am I spreading platitudes about love while exhibiting behavior that is full of hostility or while secretly believing that such behavior is right?
9. Do I attend enough meetings or read enough AA literature to be part of the community?
10. In AA, do I tell all about myself, good and bad, and accept the help of the community as I offer it.
There is only one supreme authority for the meaning and purpose of our group - a loving God, as He reveals himself to be in the conscience of our group. Our shop stewards are only trusted servants; they do not rule.
1. Do I criticize my group's representative, AA committees, employees? Or do I trust them and support them? How do I keep up with newcomers? Or with classic cars?
2. Am I absolutely trustworthy - also in my private life - if I do work in Step Twelve or take on other AA responsibilities.
3. Do I seek confirmation or praise for my ideas through my work in AA?
4. Do I have to pay attention to how I defend my position in the group discussions, or can I happily submit to the group conscience and follow it carefree?
5. Despite the fact that I've been dry for a few years, am I still ready to take on an office for a period of time?
6. Am I condescending in the group discussions when it comes to questions that I have no experience with and know little about?
The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.
1. Do I mentally stamp some AA members as losers?
2. Is there one type of alcoholic that I really don't want in my group?
3. Do I act like the judge of whether a newcomer is sincere or not?
4. Do I allow peculiarities such as language, religion (or lack of it), race, upbringing, age, to restrict myself in my obligation to get the message across?
5. Am I being impressed by stars? A doctor? A clergyman? A knacki? Or can I simply and naturally treat this new member like another sick person, a person like all of us?
6. If someone shows up on AA and needs information or help (even if they don't ask for it), does it matter to me how they make a living? Where he lives? How is his household and his family organized? Is he already with AA? Where else does he have problems?
Each group should be self-sufficient except in matters affecting other groups or AA as a whole.
1. Do I insist that there are only a few right ways that we run our affairs in AA?
2. Does my group always think about the welfare of the rest of the community? The groups in the vicinity? The Loners in Alaska? The internationalists at sea? A group in Rome or El Salvador?
3. Do I put aside the behavior of other group members when they behave differently from myself, or do I learn from them?
4. Do I always remember that, to some extent, I am the beloved fellowship of those who know I am a member?
5. Am I ready to help a new one to go any way - his way, not mine - to stay dry?
6. Do I share my knowledge of AA tools with other members who may not have heard of them?
The primary responsibility of each group is to bring our AA message to alcoholics who are still suffering.
1. Do I sneak out of responsibility and say: I am not a group, therefore one or the other tradition does not apply to me?
2. Am I willing to clearly explain the limits of AA help to a newcomer, even if they get angry at me for not lending them money?
3. Did I impose myself on an AA member today and demand perks or consideration just because I am also an AA member?
4. Am I ready to support the next newcomer, regardless of who he is or what the result is for me?
5. Do I help my group in any way I can to accomplish our main task?
6. Do I remember that seasoned AA members can still suffer? Am I trying to help them and learn from them at the same time?
An AA group should never support, finance, or AA name any outside company, lest money, property, and prestige problems distract us from our real purpose.
1. Should the friends in my group get involved with me and raise funds to subsidize some AA beds in our local hospital?
2. Is it good for the group to rent a small house?
3. Are the officials and members of our local AA club familiar with the “Club Policies” (available free of charge from GSO)?
Each AA group should be self-sustaining and reject outside support.
1. Honestly, am I doing everything I can to help AA (my group, my intergroup, my Joint Service Office) remain financially independent?
2. Should the AA INFORMATION sell advertising space to publishers and the pharmaceutical industry for a big profit and become a bigger magazine, in color print but at a cheaper price?
3. If one day the Joint Service Bureau ran out of money, would it be okay to have AA groups in hospitals and prisons subsidized by the state?
4. Is it more important to get a large hat collection from a few members, or a small hat collection that more people will participate in?
5. Is the financial report a minor AA matter? What does the cashier think about it?
6. How important is feeling of self-respect to my recovery as opposed to feeling always grateful for alms?
The work in AA should always remain voluntary; however, our central offices are allowed to employ employees.
1. Does this tradition describe my personal behavior? If not, what needs to be changed?
2. If I am angry about a particular tradition, do I understand what impression it makes on others?
3. Do I sometimes try to be rewarded somehow, if not financially, for my efforts in AA?
4. Am I trying to act like an expert on alcoholism issues in AA? Or recovery? Or medicine or sociology? Or even the AA? Or, and may God help me, perhaps humility?
5. Am I trying to get to know the work of the employees within the community? Or how do employees in other communities work against alcoholism? Can I distinguish between all of them?
6thHave I had experiences in my community life that prove the wisdom of traditions?
7. Am I really paying attention to the book "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions". The AA-Tradition-How it Developed? (not yet available in Germany).
AA itself should never be organized. However, we may set up service boards and committees accountable to those they serve.
1. Am I still trying to figure out what happens in AA?
2. Am I against some administrative quirks in AA because I fear they might be authoritarian?
3. Do I have the maturity to understand and use all of the elements of the AA program - even if no one is forcing me to do so - and do I still feel a sense of personal responsibility?
4. Do I exercise patience and humility in the work for AA that I have taken on?
5. Do I think of all of the friends I am accountable to in my work in AA?
6. Why do the individual groups not need any statutes or regulations?
7. Have I learned to calmly quit serving in AA and learn in the process - when the time is right?
8. What does rotation have to do with anonymity? And with humility?
AA never takes a position on issues outside of their community; therefore the AA name should never become involved in public disputes.
1. Do I sometimes give the impression that there is a de facto AA opinion on Antabuse? Sedatives? Doctors? Psychiatrist? Churches? Hospitals? Prisons? Alcohol? State and federal government? The legalization of hashish? Vitamins? Al-Anon? Alateen?
2. Can I be blunt about my personal experience with these questions without creating the impression that I have an AA opinion?
3. On what historical background is this our Tenth Tradition based?
4. Did I have a similar experience while at AA?
5. Where would AA be today without this tradition? Where am I myself?
6. Do I violate these or associated traditions in a conspicuous, perhaps unconscious way?
7. How can I convey the spirit of this tradition in my life outside of the community? Within the community?
Our relationships with the public are based more on attraction than advertising. That is why we should always maintain our personal anonymity in relation to the press, radio, film and television.
1. Do I sometimes speak so fanatically about AA that it loses its appeal?
2. Am I always careful to keep confidential communications made to me as a member of AA?
3. Am I careful not to reveal the names of AA friends, even within the community?
4. Am I ashamed of being a recovering or recovering alcoholic?
5. What would AA look like if it were not shaped by the maxims expressed in the Eleventh Tradition? Where would I have ended up?
6. Is my sobriety from AA so appealing that even a drunk would want it to themselves?
Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all of our traditions, always reminding us to put principles above people.
1. Why is it beneficial for me to put the common welfare of all members in AA above the welfare of the individual? What would happen to me if AA disappeared as a whole?
2. If I have no confidence in the incumbent AA officials, who would I most like to give authority to correct them?
3. Am I implying that there are additional requirements for membership in AA in addition to wanting to stay dry?
4. Do I sometimes try to tailor an AA group to suit my needs, not their own?
5. Am I personally responsible for helping an AA group complete its role? What is my part?
6. Is my personal behavior a mirror of the Sixth Tradition - or does it not correspond to it?
7. Do I do everything in my power to support AA financially? When was the last time I gave away an AA INFORMATION subscription?
8. Do I complain about the behavior of some AAs - especially when they are doing paid work? Why am I so smart?
9. Do I live up to all of the responsibilities in AA in such a way that I, too, have a clear conscience? Really?
10. Is all I say of myself a reflection of the Tenth Tradition, or am I fueling the critics of AA?
11. Should I keep my AA membership a secret or disclose it privately if this will help another alcoholic (including me)? Is my sober way of life so attractive that other drunkards find it worth pursuing?
12. How important am I actually among Millions of Alcoholics Anonymous?
15 inventory questions:
1. Can I name three good qualities of myself right away?
2. Have I not forgiven myself for any mistake / misstep?
3. Do I treat myself to something good / beautiful every day?
4. Do I consider “doing nothing” to be a waste?
5. Am I resentful?
6. Who / what lifted me up in dark hours?
7. Do I tend to do everything perfectly (“super”)?
8. Do I find myself trying to make an impression on others over and over again?
9. Can I also say no once in order to belong to myself for once?
10. Is it very difficult for me to admit mistakes and, if necessary, to apologize?
11. Am I honest - "transparent" - or do I proceed very "diplomatically" - harshly ignoring truth and love?
12. Do I still have something to do when others are already enjoying their free time?
13. Do I overwhelm myself in order to impress with even better performance?
14. Am I not to blame for some (or many) disappointments in the end because I expect too much from others? Do I know what it looks like in a person's soul when I talk to them?
15. Do I also tell myself “the right opinion” - for example, that I often allow myself to be influenced by people's opinions?
INVENTORY ........... Questions about the steps:
Step 1: We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol and could no longer cope with our lives.
I: The 1st step inventory of my drinking time:
a) What other solutions have I tried and what were the results?
b) Am I still looking for a solution outside of AA?
c) How did I use alcohol to escape the problems in my life.
d) Did I drink again after years of recovery (drought)?
II: How has this disease affected my life and how does it still do it today - physically, emotionally and spiritually?
a) Have I proven myself in my work by performing well or have I just got away with it? Please elaborate on this.
b) How was it to live at home with me?
c) Has chronic dissatisfaction with drinking affected my friendships or marriage?
d) Am I in contact with my feelings or have I hidden my anger and fear behind fake happiness? Please explain in more detail.
III: To what extent did I believe that my life could be mastered if the others only behaved according to my ideas? Please explain in more detail.
IV: When and how could my life not be mastered?
V: Did I try to control myself and then give up demoralized?
VI: And even if I was successful, was it enough to control myself? Please explain.
VII: Do I believe that only an honest admission of my condition to myself can save me from drinking? Why why
VIII: I admit that my current methods of managing life have not been successful and that I must find a new way to approach life. Please explain in more detail.
IX: Am I ready to change and learn? Why?
X: Have I looked at my experiences honestly and am I convinced that I can no longer master my life with my will. Please explain.
Step 2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
I .: If I look at my life with complete honesty, how did I behave in an extremely irrational and self-destructive way when it came to drinking?
II: How have I been obsessed with controlling my drinking?
III .: If these methods worked, how did I inevitably lose control and drink again? Please explain.
IV .: In what ways did I keep trying to find consolation in drinking long after it started to make me unhappy.
V .: How did I behave mentally unhealthy / sick when ...
a) ... I yelled at my children when they needed my attention
b) ... I jealously wanted to take possession of my partner
c) ... I felt more comfortable with alcohol than with people
d) ... I restricted my social life
e) ... I drew the curtains, turned off the phone and hid in the house
VI .: In what ways have I overreacted on minor occasions while ignoring the real problems in my life?
VII .: Have I come to believe that it is necessary to change? How so?
VIII .: Since my willpower cannot change my unsuccessful way of life; am I ready to search for a power greater than myself that will restore my sanity?
IX .: How do I define this Higher Power?
X .: If I am not in a higher power, I can “pretend” I am getting help in my life.
XI .: How should this power be in my imagination and what should it do in my life?
XII .: Do I believe in God, but don't I really believe that God could or would concern me with drinking?
XIII .: Did I ask God to take my pain away from me, but to allow myself to drink whatever I wanted?
XIV .: How do I feel about replacing my old ideas about God with a faith that works?
XV .: What things am I willing to do that others have told me worked for you?
Step 3: We resolved to entrust our will and our lives to the care of God as we understood Him.
I .: How am I ready to adopt a new approach to my drinking?
II .: What was my attitude towards alcohol and my drinking.
III .: Am I ready to give up my attachment to alcohol? Please explain in more detail.
IV .: How do I feel at the thought of entrusting my life completely to the guidance of a Higher Power?
V .: Do I have guidelines for dealing with alcohol? Will I ask God for the willingness and ability to live after you every day? Please explain in more detail.
VI .: If the obsession occasionally returns, how do I get through these times without drinking?
VII .: How do I come to the decision to entrust my will and my life to a higher power?
VIII .: Am I ready to seriously seek God's will for myself and ready to act accordingly. Please explain.
IX .: What can I do if I feel unstable?
X .: Why is it necessary for me to follow this new path?
XI .: What do I do if I am undecided?
XII .: What will it mean for me to really work in the third step?
Step 4: We made a thorough and fearless inventory of ourselves.
I .: Is there anything stopping me from starting my “fearless” and “thorough” inventory?
II .: What deeds, no matter how small, am I ready to overcome my hesitation?
III .: Am I ready to take a written inventory?
IV .: What options do I have to do my inventory? How am I going to do this?
V .: Why is it important for me to come to a balanced view of myself?
VI .: Write the lists as on pages 74 and 75 of the Blue Book.
VII .: Now that I have written my inventory and checked it again: Am I ready to ask my Higher Power to help me add anything that I may have left out?
Step 5: We openly admitted our mistakes to God, to ourselves, and to another person.
I .: Now that I have finished my inventory in the fourth step: How do I feel about the thought of sharing the details of my past with another person? Please explain in more detail.
II .: Am I ready to be completely honest about the mistakes I made?
III .: How does my higher power help me to leave the excuses and attempts to explain (rationalization) behind me and not to blame others?
IV .: Did I go through my inventory again in the fourth step and have accepted every truth about my behavior in the past, no matter how painful or shameful it is?
V .: Who do I want to share my inventory with? What are my reasons for this choice?
VI .: Am I ready to discuss the exact nature of my mistakes?
VII: Why did I do some of what I did?
VIII .: What feelings led to these actions? How did I feel afterwards?
IX .: What did these actions cost me?
X .: What did I learn about fear by sharing my inventory with another person a)? b) learned about trust? c) learned about honesty? d) learned about acceptance?
Step 6: We were completely ready to have God remove all of these character defects.
I. What is the difference between paying lip service to “I am completely ready” and being completely ready?
II .: Why is it so difficult to be completely already, to part with my character defects?
III .: Am I afraid? do I feel that without my flaws in character, I would be less interesting as a person?
IV .: Which flaws in character would I prefer to keep?
V .: What does "completely ready" mean for me?
VI .: What do each of my character defects “do” for me?
VII .: What does each character defect "do" to me?
VIII .: How did each of those old tools that I cheated my way through in life lose their usefulness?
IX .: What harm does it do to me to hold on to all these ways of thinking and behaving?
X .: What, in my opinion, is the (fifth) essence of the sixth step?
XI .: What is my attitude towards change?
7th step: We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings from us.
I .: What is my idea of humility?
II .: What image do I have of myself?
III .: How does my self-image keep me from finding true humility?
IV .: What did I learn about humility in AA.
V: Why do I want God to take away my shortcomings from me?
VI .: Why is it important for me to accept each of my character defects?
VII .: How can I let go of old attitudes that block humility, such as: low self-esteem, pursuit of status and self-righteousness?
VIII .: How do I complete the seventh step?
IX .: What is on the list of my character defects?
X .: How will I ask God to remove my shortcomings from me?
XI .: Have I discovered any other character defects that I did not see during the (mental) cleaning of the house when I took / worked the fourth to sixth steps? Which are they ?
XII .: How was I shown what to do as soon as a character flaw is removed from me? XIII .: How do I act if I make a mistake?
XIV .: How far am I willing to go to get rid of my shortcomings?
XV .: How do I cultivate my willingness to let all newly discovered fears, resentments and other shortcomings be removed from me?
XVI: What traits that have hurt me turned into great assets when I used them in the right way at the right time?
XVII .: How has repeated use of the Seventh Step affected the relationship with my Higher Power?
Step 8: We made a list of all the people we had harmed and became willing to make amends to all of them.
I .: What patterns have I discovered when looking at my relationships that harm myself and others? How do I determine what actually is harm to another person?
II .: Which names would appear in my inventory in the fourth step as the ones to which I have harmed?
III .: Are there names on the list that might not belong there? Which?
IV .: Have I harmed myself? How?
V .: What is the intention of taking the eighth step?
VI .: How do I get ready to "make amends" to everyone on my list.
VII .: What good suggestions have I received from my sponsor and other OA members to help me get ready?
VIII .: Which people on my list do I have to forgive for damage done to me?
IX .: Why am I angry (scared) with these people?
X .: Am I ready to share what I have written with another person?
XI: Am I ready to pray daily for those people who have wronged me so that I can be freed from my resentment and unforgiveness?
XII .: Am I willing to make amends even if I don't want to?
9th step: We made everything right with these people wherever we could, unless we had hurt them or others as a result.
I .: What reparations have I put off?
II .: How did these postponed reparations block me and threaten my recovery?
III .: What are the dangers of doing more harm than good when I face people and talk to them about painful situations from the past?
IV .: Have I spoken about my redemption list with my sponsor or someone else who understands the 12-step way of life?
V .: What is the intention (meaning) of the ninth step?
VI .: To what extent is making amends more than just saying “I'm sorry”?
VII .: What expectations do I have about how other people will receive me?
VIII .: How will I give the victim of my wrong actions an honest and direct admission of my mistakes?
IX .: What changes or compensations am I willing to make to fix my mistakes?
X .: What are “living reparations”?
XI .: To whom do I owe living reparations?
XII .: How can I make amends for the injuries from the past for myself and my loved ones?
XIII: To whom will I make direct reparation?
XIV .: How will I make amends to the people I cannot find? Who are these people?
XV .: How will I make amends to the people I have died? Who are these people?
XVI: What reparation can I not make directly without hurting someone?
XVII .: How can I make this reparation anonymously in order to avoid harming innocent people?
XVIII .: Is there any reparation that I just want to make anonymously so that I don't have to be ashamed?
XIX: Do I use the excuse that these reparations will hurt me financially or hurt my self-respect?
XX .: How did I deal with each of these people (from the list)?
Step 10: We kept taking inventory and when we were wrong we immediately admitted it.
When we go to rest in the night, we look back constructively on the past day.
I. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest, or fearful?
II. Do we need / did we owe an apology?
III. Have we kept something to ourselves that we should discuss with another person immediately?
IV. Were we nice and kind to everyone?
V. What could I have done better?
VI. Did we think of ourselves / about ourselves most of the time?
VII. Or do we think what we could do for others, or what we could contribute to the “stream of life”? But we have to be careful not to fall into grief, remorse or pathological self-reflection / reflection on our own
Could tarnish usefulness to others. After looking back, we ask God for forgiveness and what corrective action should be taken.
Step 11: We sought through prayer and reflection to deepen the conscious connection to God as we understood it. We only asked him to let us know his will and to give us the strength to carry it out.
1. How does the 11th step challenge me?
2. What is my view of recovery from a spiritual relationship by a force greater than myself?
3. In what ways do I actively try to improve my relationship with my Higher Power?
4. How important is it for me to regularly take time for prayer and meditation / reflection.
5. What do I say when I speak to God?
6. Am I afraid to express my true feelings to God? When and why
7. What knowledge do I need to ask God for?
8. When was I angry with God?
9. In what tangible ways can I communicate with God?
10. What is meditation / reflection?
11. What does meditation / reflection offer me?
12. How can I know which thoughts are God's pointers and which are my own reflections?
13. How does the time I spend in prayer and meditation / reflection change me?
14. What do I do when I feel that my Upper Force is giving me insights?
15. What do I do when I have to make an important decision?
16. How do I react if I make mistakes about things that I believe are God's will for me? ?
17. How does God speak to me?
18. What do I have to do to stay connected in harmony with this Upper Force (power)?
12th step: After experiencing a spiritual awakening through these steps, we tried to pass this message on to other alcoholics and to align our daily lives with these principles.
1. What was my experience of spiritual awakening?
2. What is the message of hope I convey to other alcoholics?
3. How and why am I tempted to believe that I have reached the end of my journey?
4. How can I stay spiritually awake and fully alive?
5. How did I try to follow my program in isolation?
6. How has this affected my emotional balance and my abstinence?
7. What was my experience of sharing this program with other alcoholics?
8. What role has service played in AA recovery?
9. How do I share my AA experience with other alcoholics?
10. What are my expectations for what will come out of this ministry for others?
11. How can I continue to apply my new way of life in all of my affairs?
12. How can I confirm that I have turned my back on my old ways of doing things forever?
13. What have I learned about the following principles, included in each step, so that I can apply them in all of my affairs?
a) Honesty in the first step?
b) Hope in the second step?
c) Faith in the third step?
d) Courage and integrity in the fourth and fifth steps?
e) Readiness in the sixth step?
f) Seventh step humility?
g) Self-discipline and charity in the eighth and ninth steps?
h) Perseverance in Step Tenth?
i) Spiritual Awareness in Step Eleventh?
j) Service in step 12?
14. What footprints do I leave behind that others can follow?
15. How louder is the message that I live by?
© Copyright AA-Grapevine Inc. New York / Alcoholics Anonymous Interest Group e. V. You can download this text from our website
The history of the 4th Step Guide is unclear, but it is attributed to anonymous members of Alcoholics Anonymous. In the first computers, different versions could be found on the "black board of recovery" (orig. BBS). one version was named "The California Fourth Step Guide" because the creators were believed to be in California. Another version "recommended" that a person should be in recovery for at least 5 years before using this guide. In any case, this guide has well over 300 questions for one person to answer, starting with the years of childhood through puberty to adulthood. The instructions work for all 12-step programs, as the instructions do not specialize in any particular program. The guide has a good set of general pointers to help you take Step Four.
Help for the 4th step
Alcoholics Anonymous is an organization of people who help each other recover from alcoholism. The Twelve Steps were written by the founders of the AA Fellowship to Help Alcoholics Live Better Without Alcohol. We, who have become aware of their philosophy of life, find these steps priceless in our search for serenity. We figured it out. that most of us find ourselves unnecessarily mental. created physical and spiritual problems because of their compulsive behaviors. The dictionary gives us a psychological definition of compulsion as an irresistibly repeated irrational impulse. The Blue Book speaks of one's own will that passes. We can also see coercion in terms of excessive craving that overshadows our normal needs. Examples of compulsive behavior can be: • Alcoholic drinking, drug addiction, anorexia or overeating, sexual debauchery, hypochondria, emotional instability. • Excessive desire for: acceptance, affirmation, work, play, success or failure, gambling, buying sprees or avarice, talking or remaining silent, smoking, drinking coffee. • Intoxication of speed, control, showing off, helping others if not desired:
The aim of these questions is to make each person aware of actions and reactions in their everyday life that lead to compulsive behavior. These Step 4 AA Program Guidelines were written by AAs. We've included the original to serve everyone in other 12-step programs so they can become more aware of their obsessive-compulsive behavior. Where to Buy: • Alcoholics Anonymous - Published with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous World Service Inc. • Twelve Steps and Twelf Traditions - Published with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous World Service Inc. • One Day at a Time - Published with permission from Al-Anon Family Groups • Inner Child of the Past - by Dr. Hugh Hissildine • Inner Conflicts and how to solve them - by Dr. Hugh Hissildine Special thanks to those in the community who gave free time to help themselves and others.
Basic instruction: Get a pen and paper and start writing. The Blue Book says in eight different places that we should take this step in writing. It is the writing down that brings the relief. It is our experience that we all have compulsive behavior that needs to be controlled; thereby the problems that were actually caused by the coercion will disappear. That leaves us with the problems that actually made us obsessive. And these, as you may have found out, are the ones that are painfully attached to us unless we do something about them (In the past they were so painful that we had to "get away" to escape the pain). We always seemed able to quit compulsive behavior - just never permanently. By taking steps four through nine, we are doing certain things that we find brought us to a point of enjoyment in life where obsessive-compulsive behavior was no longer necessary. We no longer needed any compulsive means of escape, because the problem was washed out ("bled out" original translation). In our experience, it doesn't really matter what your intention is when you take the fourth step, or what your attitude is or what you have in mind, where this step can help you and how. What matters is that you do it honestly and to the best of your ability. Stop pondering that you will do it better if you do it later or if you are longer in the program or one of the others
Used weak excuses that we all used to take this step before you. As compulsive people, we all wanted to distinguish ourselves - really stand out - in one activity or another. Could we suggest the following: If you've ever made up your mind to take the fourth step (not perfectly, but as best you can), right here today is a good time to start. A thorough fourth and fifth step will give you more relief and comfort than you have the opportunity to imagine today. This is the act that can lead to real joy in life - the kind you may not have experienced since childhood (if at all) - something that you have been looking for but never found right . The second step does not say: We came to believe in a power greater than ourselves, but rather: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves ... can help us become happy and healthy people. For example, the group is bigger than me as an individual, which would make it a higher power. Whatever you consider force majeure, remember that in step three you entrusted not only your compulsive behaviors, but your will and your life to this course of events. So whatever is revealed in steps four and five, whatever happens, whatever your troubles may be, remember, you gave it up and just move on. The Blue Book suggests doing steps four and five right after step three. You're starting to do step four now - so make an appointment right now to do step five. Find a clergyman, be sure that it is someone who understands the program, not someone who moralizes you or a doctor or a friend from the program that suits you. Give yourself about a month to take the fourth step. Don't postpone step four because you haven't found anyone "suitable" for step five. Let's reiterate: you will not be graded on spelling, grammar, or punctuation. This fourth step is for your eyes only. If you decide to erase or cross something out - DO NOT DO IT! It could be a key to a part of your personality that is now locked. And remember, you can't do a perfect inventory, but you can try your best. Rest assured: your "really best" is definitely very, very good. In "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions" it says: Creation gave us our natural instincts for a specific purpose. Without them we would not be complete human beings. If men and women did not strive for their own safety, did not provide food, and did not build shelter, there would be no survival for them. If they did not multiply, the earth would not be populated. If they did not have the natural urge to live together, there would be no human society. That is why the desire for a sexual relationship, for material security, for emotional security and for friendship is definitely necessary and right. It is God given (p.39).
We get into trouble when these instincts are perverted and out of shape. This distortion brings pain. The compulsive behavior helped escape from this pain - this is what your inventory is about: to help identify those of your instincts that are out of control and misappropriated and to develop awareness of your actions and reactions. You should write out all resentments, fears, guilt, hatred, and sexual complexes and inhibitions that you can remember. You may pay attention to how your reactions were to what happened to you. An internal inventory deals with feelings - good and bad. Do not go into what has been done to you or what you have done to others - but how it made you feel. Write down the things you can remember and feel the pain of shame, fear, or guilt. Where did you do wrong and what does it have to do with what hurts you today. Twelve and Twelve says, "The fourth step is just the beginning of a lifelong habit. Common symptoms of emotional insecurity are worry, anger, self-pity, and depression. The inventory brings clear insight into our relationships. If you find any question there are painful and disturbing memories wake it up, write it down, even if it isn't an answer to a specific question, find it out and fearlessly write it down - the things that are painful, that are embarrassing, that fill you with fear, shame, or any other uncomfortable feeling what guilt, anger, etc. may be. This is a very long guideline with many questions - don't be intimidated or discouraged. Take each question and answer it in your own words. LEAVE IT ALL OUT! Don't tear any part of it. a statement was wrong, make a note of why it was wrong, promise yourself to be honest and fearless, trust us when we do say your reward will be generous. Some people have been discouraged with the inventory because they thought they were not being honest enough or couldn't remember everything that happened to them. Just do your best - your honest best. The same goes for memory. We - none of us - are unable to remember every incident in our lives, so use what you are now able to remember. Please keep in mind that the fourth step has nothing to do with changing anything. An inventory doesn't change things, it just enumerates things. Your inventory is just the story of your feelings and actions from the beginning until now. We went back through our lives. Nothing mattered except thoroughness and sincerity (BB page 65).Many found it helpful to carry a notepad with you to record everything when it comes to mind. it can be useful for your inventory. It really doesn't matter if you write down information that could easily be incorrect in terms of dates, location, etc. Just write down. Make sure to keep these notes in a safe place. Nothing should be left out for fear of someone reading it. If everything is on the
actual inventory is transferred - destroy the notes. Again: In the fourth step we write things down that make us wince, just roll our eyes at the memory of "oh no!", "Damn it", "not that too" or similar ... think. Just write down! It doesn't hurt anyone except you. Read what the Blue Book says about the inventory (page 71 + ff), what is in 12 & 12 (page 39 + ff) The Blue Book speaks of the "ruins of our past" - and from here We are tempted to only concern ourselves with the problems that are in the wake or suction of our compulsive behavior - the problems around us, the problems that arose as a result of our obsessive-compulsive behavior. Steps 4 and 5 deal with how the past affected the world within us; how our negative feelings about ourselves and others have ruined us spiritually, mentally and physically. The BB advises us to write about our feelings of hatred and resentment, our fear and anxiety, and our sexual complexes and inhibitions.
We have divided this guide into three parts because most of our behavior patterns developed in childhood and early adolescence. We propose an inventory in three parts: 1. Childhood 2. Adolescence 3. Adult life From birth we are exposed to the behavior, beliefs, expectations and attitudes etc. of our parents. These are based on the attitudes, behavior etc. of their parents and so on, back through the generations. So, since we can't really blame anyone, we can go to work instead to find an antidote. The problems begin: Parents were too young, too old, too poor, too rich, too many children, or wanted a boy and had a girl or vice versa, never finished school, had to marry, gave up their careers, and were able to take on their responsibilities not dealt with, were physically ill, threatened not to love their children if they did not live up to their expectations, death of a parent, divorce etc. etc ... Sometimes mothers make their children feel guilty because they have to work themselves (they kick as good women - who spend their lives working and withdrawing for their children). This attitude puts the children in a lifelong guilty feeling of living in the first place and thereby causing so many problems. Or fathers play the same game with comments like, "If I didn't have this big family, I could have become a big man". Some neurotic mothers make their children feel bad by telling them over and over how hard their birth was.
There are parents who teach you to excuse your bad behavior, who teach you to excuse anything you want to do; or parents who never punish you and teach you to suppress things; or who were overprotective and did not give you the tools you need to face life as it is; or parents who have been alcoholic or who have been cruel evoke patterns of fear and withdrawal; or parents who were too strict and forced their child to react like an adult - which then forces the adult to react like a child - in search of the lost childhood; or parents who force their child to be perfect or who give him a model (sister, brother, friend) and who constantly compare the child with this person. But don't forget: if you've been smart enough to find out that your parents are your big problem, then you have to go a step further and find out what you can and will do about it. That is the purpose of the fourth step. The purpose is not to take your parents' inventory, if the above paragraph sounded like that. The purpose is to help you to clarify your attitudes, emotions, inappropriate behavior (and please note that this is YOUR inappropriate behavior) and to make you aware, so that you can then start all over again. Summary: Some of you will protest many of the questions asked because you will think your own lack of character was not so prominent. It can be said about this: A conscious investigation probably reveals precisely these character flaws with which the question is concerned. One can get a mind that is so closed that it doesn't even notice that it is closed. Because the surface didn't look too bad, many of us were ashamed to find out that it was only because we had buried the weaknesses so deeply under many layers of self-justification. Sick justifications that streamlined everything. Whatever these defective thoughts were, they ultimately lured us into obsessive behavior and misery. One last word ... please stop convincing yourself that you need to get in the right mood to take the fourth step. You are in the right mood to take this step if you are ready to stop hurting yourself and get well. Throughout our lives we have tried to come to the right action by thinking. This time we have to act to come to the right thinking. We who took this step can tell you: IT WORKS. We didn't know how it worked until we left and we can't tell you how it works. So stop worrying. What you are looking for is not just simple relief - you get that, no fear - but real joy in life. Believe us: you can get this and take a giant step into this
Direction is to dump the accumulated junk that you are lugging around at the moment. So take a pen and paper and get started. Last word before you start: If you honestly don't know the answer to a question, state that you don't know. But try to answer every question - as best you can. And remember, if any question touches on an area that triggers discomfort and disturbing feelings, then: - write it down - put it on paper - finally get rid of it. Remember - strive for progress - not perfection.
Childhood: l. What kind of relationship did your mother have with her parents? 2. What kind of relationship did your father have with his parents? 3. Was your birth wanted? 4. Write down the circumstances in your family at the time you were born. Things like: family size, age differences, financial status. Was there any laughter? Quarrels? Depressions? Did relatives or other people live with you? 5. In general, write down what you think your family thought of you. Did you feel that your parents' attitude towards you was different from that of other parents towards their children? How old were you when you gave birth to brothers and sisters? How did you feel about the newcomers? Was either of your parents sick enough to have to go to the hospital? Have you been separated from an important part of the family? Was there fear or guilt related to the breakup ... in other words, did YOU feel responsible? 6. Have you been threatened with the black man or the devil if you did not behave? If so, what were your fears in this direction? 7. A child is made to feel guilty about their natural sexual curiosity. This comes about by being caught and punished for touching themselves or by being caught masturbating or playing doctorates or for participating in group masturbation. Many parents tell their children that sexual feelings are bad and need to be punished. Without sex education, and armed with this type of education, a child will naturally distort what he knows about sex. If a child is exposed to fully grown, naked individuals (e.g., in the bathroom at home or in public), he or she will experience inadequacy in adult life even after that person is a fully developed adult. Write down any or those experiences above that make you feel uncomfortable.
8. Did you have a hard time keeping one or both parents happy? Did your parents constantly send you back and forth? Have you followed docile? Did you have feelings of distress or boredom? Were you afraid of the dark? Were you afraid to fight? Or were you afraid not to fight because of pressure from your father or older brothers? 9. Did your parents mostly give in to your whims and immature needs? Did you have tantrums? How did your parents punish you? By trying to bring you to your senses or physically. How did you react to punishment? 10. What kind of marriage did you think your parents had? When they argued, did you resent them? Did it scare you? Were you used to settling their quarrel? Did you grab one side or the other? Were your parents busy with themselves? Did they lack awareness of your needs? Was there a lack of affection, concern, or loving attention in your home? 11. If your parents were of different religions, did you feel confused? Exactly what kind of idea of God have been impressed on you? Did you reject this concept because it didn't seem appropriate? If you rejected this concept, did you imagine that you had completely rejected the God idea? 12. Were you afraid of storms? 13. List any feelings of guilt and fear and resentment that you have had about every person in your life as a child (not your feelings now). 14. Did you feel like you were bad (angry)? Have you put yourself in situations that caused others to punish you? 15. Name the first time that you've ever stolen something. List all thefts. 16. How old were you when you first masturbated? Have you ever been caught and treated guilty as a result? Did you feel guilty even though you weren't caught? What other sexual exceptions have you been involved in? (Homosexuality, animals, with any other family member, anything else)? 17. If you were named after someone, what was that person like? 18. Did your family move often? If so, have you made friends, had to leave them so often that you were afraid to get too close? 19. Do you remember when you started school? What kind of feelings did you have? Try to remember each consecutive school year, and as you do this, write down any grudges you have had against a teacher, classmate, or anyone. Were there any brawls, contempt, or injuries? Embarrassments? Write it down on paper. 20. Did you blame or not forgive your relatives, parents or friends? If so, list it now. No grudge is too small to mention. the blue book says: "Grudge is the culprit number one ..." (S74)
21. What language did your parents use? Was that why you were ashamed of her or for some other reason? Have you ever seen your parents naked? What were those feelings? Have you ever heard or seen your parents have sex? What were those feelings? 22. In every family, a child usually has certain household chores or tasks. Which did you have? Were they fair? Have you been able to fulfill them to the satisfaction of your parents? Can you remember longing for a free childhood for lack of time to play? 23. Did your parents seem to like your friends better than you? And did your friends seem to like your parents better than you? If so, did you resent them? 24. Bad experiences in Sunday school? Or at the summer camp? 25. Were you an only child? Did you grumble about it or were you happy about it? 26. Did your parents want a child of the opposite sex to you? And did they call you that, or did they dress you according to their original choice of gender. Were you ashamed of your appearance (appearance, clothing, etc.)? Did you feel like you were different from your classmates? 27. Have you been treated like a plague, burden, or burden? 28. Have you tested potential friends through hostility or impossible behavior? Did you force friends to refrain from being friendly? 29. Did you feel that your parents' attitude towards you was different from that of other parents towards their children? 30. Write any other childhood memory that seems or seemed to be a pivot? 31. Which of the previous questions about childhood was the hardest for you to answer? Do you know why?
Youth: Often times, an adolescent will rely on the misdirected sex information received from their neighbor. This can create a number of violent problems (e.g., never growing out of the need to have sex with the opposite sex parent, brothers, sisters ... sometimes the need to have sex with the same sex parent.) Although this is an unconscious desire, brings about there is unconscious guilt that needs to be dealt with. Confusion can arise when a person is too young to handle adult sex. Because of peer pressure or the need to please each other, they are still allowed to do it. Without access to adult feelings, pretense and acting are begun, which then leads to anger, disappointment and guilt. These feelings, in turn, tend to be natural sexual and emotional
To prevent growth. The feeling of guilt prevents the person from expressing these feelings to a mature adult, creating the need to repeat the same pattern of behavior over and over again. 1. Write down your experience of what has just been described; both heterosexual and homosexual. 2. Some girls are taught that men are ONLY interested in sex, and some boys are taught to be "the greatest" ever. These attitudes are destructive and harmful to the whole person. Did you experience one of the two attitudes? Is there a pattern of behavior? How did it affect you? 3. Did you have friends when you were a teenager? 4. Did you see friendly encounters as a trick? 5. Did you have feelings of absolute worthlessness? 6. What kind of friend were you? 7. What was your interest or disinterest in the school? 8. How was your social life? 9. Have you participated in sports or in creative activities such as art or music etc.? 10. What reasons did you have for participating or not participating? 11. Were you a troublemaker or a problem child? If so, in what sense? Did you destroy things? Have you rejected leaders - physically or mentally? Did that which satisfied others fail to give you satisfaction? Did you tend to drift, lack of initiative, and lack of persistence and continuity? Did you feel a passive dissatisfaction? Did it annoy you not to be the prettiest or best looking person in school? 12. Did you feel that you were a coward for not wanting to fight yourself? Or did you like to fight? Were you a tyrant? Did you feel ashamed that other boys made fun of you or that girls avoided you? Were you very sensitive to rejection or did you seem easily and almost automatically hostile? 13. Did you have trouble making yourself happy? Did it bother you when you made mistakes? Were you excessively concerned about every little thing? 14. Some people feel inadequate as adults because they were once exposed to adolescents who were more developed at that time. Were you confronted with other children, in sports, in class or in the shower, who were older than you? What do you feel today 15. Have you slipped in and out of relationships? 16. Do you suffer a lot from insecurity and do you tend to keep people at a distance? 17. Did you feel that deep down your own identity is missing?
18. Did you get annoyed not to be part of a group? Or not being a leader? Or not to be "in"? 19. Were you shy or out of your mind? How are you now 20. Does a certain type of person make you shy? 21. If you dropped out of school, explain your feelings and reasons. 22. Did anything come up in your school days that is a never-ending source of shame? 23. Did your parents compare you to other family members or friends. Did you blame them for wanting you like someone else? 24. How did you get your family's attention? 25. Did you have a great need for someone who cared about you? Did you try to work independently, independent of others, detached, etc.? Have you pouted, bucked, made love child, had tantrums or acted stupid? 26. Do you remember the type of lies you told (if any)? How did you feel when you were caught lying? 27What was the most embarrassing incident of your youth? Are there any others you can think of? 28. Were you jealous or jealous of others? 29. Did you have great difficulty giving or receiving love and attention? 30. If sexual feelings have been neglected and repressed in your family, there is a high possibility that YOU are feeling guilty about it. We catch attitudes very easily. A boy who is always forced to get better or who is criticized no matter what he does may have difficulty exercising his sexuality in adult life. A girl who is told it's not okay Feeling sexy could grow into disapproving of her body and distrusting her feelings. these attitudes create unnatural and uncomfortable sexual behavior. Have you captured such views? Do you see attitudes like this popping up in your life today? First sexual intercourse: what were your feelings? Did you feel guilty? Did you feel disappointed? Be as specific and clear about the feelings as you can. 31. List in detail any homosexual experiences, masturbation fantasies or other sexual activities from that time that you can remember. Remember, we're not concerned with who, or on what date, or how often, but rather, we are concerned with how you felt about those experiences. 32. Did you get someone pregnant or did you get pregnant yourself? What did you do and how did you feel about these actions?
33. Were you ashamed of your parents? Were they too old, fat, messy, or drunk? To whatever? 34. Did you have the kind of clothes that other children wore? 35. Have you given proper attention to the spiritual side of life? Have you made up your mind to believe that your human intelligence is the measure of all things? 36. Was there enough money for the things you needed? If not, has it filled you with anger and resentment? If so, you've taken it for granted too much. Did you feel that any brothers or sisters got more than you did? Write down your feelings about money as a teenager. Did you tend to be impulsive? 37. Have you tended to dominate or control one or many areas of your life? 38. Were you the kind of child you would like to have one yourself? 39. Were you a thief? 40. Have you ever skipped a class? If so, did you have problems getting connected emotionally? Have you ever been held back? How did you behave? How did you feel? Did you feel uncomfortable because you were younger or older than the other classmates? 41. Were you unreliable as a friend .... did friendships end without explanation as soon as someone who seemed better came your way? 42 Did you play off one family member against another? 43. What was the best experience at this stage in your life and which was the worst? We covered a lot with these questions. Was there anything that made you feel particularly uncomfortable while you were writing it down? Have you now written down EVERYTHING that you can still remember that bothered you back then? Even the simplest currant crap things are important if they burden you. Write them down - now!
Adult life: 1. Are you afraid of getting too close to someone for fear of rejection? 2. Do you regularly examine your relationships for disregard or any change in order to have a cause for complaint? 3. Do you reject others before they can reject you? 4. Are you so tender that you have difficulty admitting any human weakness? Name some weaknesses that you are able to accept. How well can you accept yourself in your humanity? Are you able to run less against these weaknesses? 5. Define "love". What do you feel that it is? Do you jump in and out of relationships? Does it seem that people don't mean much to you? You active
to take care of others? After unreserved acceptance? 6. If you were or are married, list all the things you and your partner have in common and what your goals were at the beginning of the marriage. If you've been married more than once, do this with each marriage. Now list the things that were different between you. 7. If you married a hypothermic, unloving person, ask yourself why you chose that person to be your partner? Did you use it as an excuse to come up with new romances? Were your father and mother cold and unloving ..... and is this your chance to get even with them through your spouse? 8. Why did you get married? Or why didn't you get married? Was the marriage for the right motives? Did you get married earlier than those around you? Later? do you accept or despise responsibility in marriage and family? Do you take on responsibility for family problems? 9. Can you be in good spirits, even when everything seems to be desperate? 10. Do you resist the impulse to complain to others about your situation? Are you able to forgive those who hurt you? 11. Do you continue to assume excessive responsibility, even if there is no longer any financial reason to do so? 12. Do you allow your family to come between you and your spouse? 13. Do you make exaggerated demands and expectations of your partner? 14. Are you able to admit that you have no authority or power over any other person? 15. Do you exude a pleasant, happy atmosphere? Are you trying 16. Do you feel that all human beings are basically good and sensitive? 17. Are you still a baby in your parents' eyes and are you taking advantage of this? 18. Are you a baby in your partner's eyes? 19. Do you disregard the rights and dignity of others? 20. Did your parents get you out of difficulties that you should have dealt with yourself? 21. Do you gossip about others? 22. Do you feel comfortable with someone who is less fortunate than you? 23 Do you know how to meet the needs of others? His I give up? 24. When and how has the selfish use of sex relationships harmed other people and yourself? Which people were injured? How terrible? Have you ruined your marriage and hurt your children? Have you gambled away your status in society? How exactly did you react to this situation back then? Did you have a guilt that nothing could erase? Have you had a depressive attack? Or did you insist that you
you were the abused and not the abuser, and did you speak so freely? 25. How did you react to frustration in sexual matters? If rejected, did you become vengeful or depressed? Did you take it out on other people? If there was rejection and cold at home, did you take it as a reason for flinging? Did you tend to have a lot of affairs with little or no ongoing satisfaction or emotional exchange? 26. Many people who are lonely and don't really know how to love become immensely entangled in sex escapades. The momentary disappearance makes her call sex love, but when the sexual partner is gone a much greater sense of loneliness comes back. Have you ever experienced this like that? 27. Are rules and laws for "the others"? Do you have the right to go through life according to your own laws and rules? 28. If revenge were possible right now, who would be top on your list? Why? 29. What are your current feelings about sex, parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, friends, your children, your partner, your intimate friends, your work, being a compulsive person, finances, divorce or marriage (depending on your current status) . Etc? 30. What are your hopes and goals? 31. Does distraction and confusion get in the way of your adult goals? Do you think your situation is not really hopeless and that you are able to improve it? Can you feel that tomorrow will be a brighter day if you had a bad day today? 32. Do you use sex as a punishment or a reward? 33. How much time do you spend with your family? With the program? 34. What is your greatest fear? 35. How is your sex life? is it as ripe as you would like it to be? Are you disappointed in your partner for not meeting your sexual needs? Are you inconsiderate of your partner's feelings? Write down your ideas about a healthy sex life. 36. Do you engage in sex to build your ego with a sense of conquest? 37. Are you afraid of being sexually rejected? 38. Are you ashamed of your body or how you look? Write something that is physically wrong with you? Write the best things about yourself, physically. Now write down the things about yourself that you are ashamed of. 39. Do you feel like you are still trying to appeal to your parents? 40. Do you bring yourself to the brink of exhaustion? 41. Do you accept that you can only do your best? 42. Do you use people to get what you want?
43. Do you expect others to shower you with love, attraction and service? 44. Do you use intrigue or character assassination to get ahead in the social or business world? Or do you do this with the aim of feeling superior (to the one being gossiped about)? 45. If you stole - what? Don't forget your employer's paid working hours and the good feelings that others had and that you destroyed? 46. Do you have a pattern of getting sick? Do you keep going to the doctor without finding an organic disease? Do you use illness to have an excuse to shirk responsibility or to get attention and compassion? 47. Write down your resentment in business relationships, with boss and co-workers. Are you jealous of them? Worried about others getting more money or recognition in the workplace? Are you trying to prove that you "can do it" in a tough and rough job? Are you complaining about how hard you have to work? List any negative feelings you have about the people associated with your work. Are you indifferent or careless about your job? Do you think you should be the boss? Do you use the excuse that your boss, family or friends shouldn't expect so much from you? Can you laugh at yourself because you sometimes want to be someone other than you? Do you feel good when you've done a job because you wanted to finish it? 48. If you are divorced, or are going to be divorced, write down the negative feelings associated with the situation and the people affected (resentment, fear, shame, etc., regarding your partner and the feelings of your children). Do you expect the children to make a decision as to which parent they prefer? How well are you able to accept situations that you cannot change? Are you able to withdraw from conflict and confusion? 49. If married, write down your exact feelings about your partner and your children. Do they meet your requirements? What are your requirements? 50. Is your need for confirmation so strong that the demands for it in a sexual relationship are exhaustive? 51. Do you have the feeling that nobody understands you properly? 52. Are your expectations unreasonable? 53. How do you think you would be different if they were out of your reach? 54. Do you feel uncomfortable in social situations? Do you have trouble introducing people to each other? Are you able to relax or do you find it difficult to relax? 55. Do you still feel different from other members in the program - separate from them? Do you feel superior or inferior? Do you avoid
To look at yourself with statements like "Well, some of us are just sicker than others." 56. Do you rate or fool people who are mentally, physically or morally less fortunate than you THINK you are? 57. Do you compare yourself to others in order to suffer by choosing people who are further in the program than you are or people who are talented in areas where you are not? 58. Are you able to accept an occurrence of a situation and thereby dictate what to do? 59. The only person with whom you can adequately compare yourself is yourself - How were you 5 days ago? 5 weeks ago? 5 months ago? At your first meeting? How are you now 60 Name every act that you have sworn you would take to the grave with you, not to reveal to anyone: Be open and honest. (Remember, life has given us all good experiences and bad experiences. Usually, it is the things that you are most ashamed of that have made you change yourself for something or someone better. If you want peace, you have to do everything The BB says: We won't regret the past, nor will we close the door on it ... 61. In what area are you a responsible person? 62. Are you a curmudgeon? What are your fears about money? Do you spend money without thinking about tomorrow? 63. Are you trying to fill your life with the satisfaction of impulses? 64. Is your personal appearance particularly careless - or haughty? Do you judge people by their first impression of their appearance (whether sloppy or preppy) ? Are you never satisfied with yourself or with others? 65. What things make you greedy, jealous and angry? 66. Do you strive so much for wealth and prestige or both that other values in life come up short? 67. Do you despise ideas that weren't yours? 68. Do you tell others how bad you were or behaved, or do you go to the other extreme and tell people how great you are or were? (The first communication can be reverse pride. The second can be a way of giving your ego a false sense of security). 69. Write down your feelings about parents, siblings and other family members - TODAY. What resentment or hatred do you still have? What is still making you feel guilty? 70. Do you abuse your expenses or do you use household money to buy things for yourself? 71. Do you hold grudges against another member of the program? 72. What kind of things do you lie most about? 73. Do you still have to play the big bugger?
74. Do you strive for success in a desperate effort to deny the feeling of inner emptiness? 75. Are you hurt when people turn away and not play your game? 76. Are you annoyed not to get as much attention as you did when you first joined the program? 77. Are you trying to protect the new member by insisting on platonic relationships rather than something that could cause them to become compulsive, or do you use their weakness when they are new to indulge in your own sexual affirmation? Or just looking at such actions makes you feel guilty (for having thoughts like this?) 78. What kind of things do you waste most of your time worrying about - the future or the past? 79. Do you find it difficult to enjoy moments of relaxation and freedom from responsibility? 80. Do you find yourself punishing your children the way your parents punished you? 81. Have you been so busy earning money that your family has seen little of you? 82. Do you say, "I give my family everything they want, but they are not satisfied?" Do you work to build your own ego? 83. Do you feel far from your partner and do you tend to prevent spontaneous warmth and interest in sex? 84. When your partner gets cold, do you spend more time with him or her, or do you turn to someone "more understanding"? 85. Do you spend too much time in meetings? 86. Do you take at least one night a week just for your family? 87. Are you able to be honest with others about who you are? 88. Have conversations in the family become so intolerable that you have to rely on members of the program to get the caresses you need? 89. Do you feel that you have to somehow prove you are worthy of love, either in the program or elsewhere? Work out this point carefully. 90. Are you cold and indifferent to your family, friends, work, or your own needs? 91. Are you still full of guilt for burdening so many people? 92. If you threaten people, you will fall back into your compulsive behavior if you don't get your family back the way you imagine it to be, etc.
93. Are you concerned about the exercise of your sexuality in relationships? Are you involved in an affair that could harm you and others? 94. Do you get angry when people don't see things the way you do? 95. Do you pass on rumors or do you invent things about other people's behavior? 96. Do you worry that other people's higher powers are not as good as yours? Or even better? How do you feel about people who claim to be pious? 97. What is your idea, your understanding of God - as you understand HIM? 98Do you compare yourself to others in spiritual growth? Have you ever met someone who had a spiritual approach that you would have liked to have had? Do you feel that you are above spirituality? 99. Do you still feel guilty about masturbation? 100. Do you feel superior because you have more money, education, brains, the "right" skin color, social background, job or any other apparent advantage? Name all of your feelings of superiority. 102. Do you feel inferior because you have less of the above? Name all of your feelings of inferiority. Do you think you are superior to normal people? Describe all areas in which you feel different. 103. Do you think you are inferior to the normal person? List all areas where you feel different. 104. Are you having trouble getting to places on time? 105. Do you resent others who seem to have no problem finding happiness? 106. Are you aware of any adult goals? 107. Are you looking for happiness or entertainment of one kind or another, but are hardly able to be really happy? 108. Do you transform play into work e.g. in such a way that games, sports, hobbies are no longer fun and no longer relaxing? 109. Do you continue to judge the outside of others according to the inside of you? 110. Did you take the trouble to ask people who are happy why they became so? 111. How much time do you spend with the care and happiness of others? Have you learned how to listen to other people, to see them, to know them? 112. Are you still jealous of people who are not addicts or compulsive? 113. Are you hostile because you don't like the hand of cards that life gave you?
114. What are your current fears? List them. How are you currently getting other people's attention? Pout or be offended? Tantrums? Be extra nice (and let them know)? Play stupid? Frustrate the activities of others? Scold?
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